A friend of mine said I should write about being pregnant…I have to admit it is a bit difficult to focus on a story like Mystery High while holding my hair back. Pregnancy it is-at least until I can go a day without gagging at some noxious smell. I have to say though, that the following post isn’t representative of every pregnant woman out there…
How can I explain the extent of fear during early stages of pregnancy?
I’m not sure I can in such a way that everyone who isn’t pregnant, will never be pregnant, or thinks they understand what it’s like to be pregnant, will comprehend. But I don’t mind trying.
Fear: be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
It would be easier if I likened it to something you feared tremendously: the dark, dying, elevators, airplanes, crowds….and suggested you go embrace exactly that which you feared for at least 3 months. But it wouldn’t cut it.
Some pregnant women who I’ve talked to about the fear very simply say: it’s a life, and I don’t want it to die. Me, well, a long time ago I was told that I thought too much. I then took the advice to heart and filled my time with all sorts of activities, jobs, mindless reading (romance novels 😉 ) to make sure my brain was occupied. But now that I’m pregnant, I find my hormones doing a GREAT job of getting my thought process back up and running (when I’m not queasy). So I say that the fear runs way deeper than one life. It’s about two, and how worthy one of them is for life-and I’m not talking about the baby.
Let’s look at creation. Evolution or God, either way says that a woman should have the physical capability of being a mother. It’s necessary for life to continue as we know it. Now, let’s look at another strictly human situation: Ever have a significant other basically tell you you’re not worth it? You’re not worth the effort to resolve pain, to laugh with, to experience life with? Remember how heart breaking that forced revelation was? Most high schoolers who’ve dated probably understand what I’m talking about. There’s always a time, though, leading up to that point of confrontation where your gut churns at every frown from your significant other, and your life lights up in relief with every smile. But that point of being told you’re worthless to another person came, and may have nearly destroyed you.
Now, imagine it was God, or natural selection, telling you you’re not worth it. Your body wasn’t worth reproducing another you. You are not worthy of continuing the human race.
You have 3 months to figure out if that’s what’ll happen. You cringe at every smell, you smile when food goes down. Your heart picks up for every ultra sound. You scrutinize your doctor’s facial reactions and are elated when the news is good. Fine, most don’t sit around and worry all day every day-but anyone can tell you, yes, it’s a worry in the back of every mother’s mind.
A pregnant woman might worry about whether her body is then fit to bear the title ‘woman’. If you can’t conceive, what good are you?
But the grand thing about this fear is that, even if the worst comes to pass, we can try again—and chances are, we will. You see, women aren’t fearless- we’re strong enough to recognize that even the most crippling fear can be worth facing. Sometimes though, we might need a friend to lean on-even if you don’t really understand the fear-I’ve got me some good friends. So, if you know a pregnant woman in the early stages, give her a hug to congratulate her, a shoulder to ease her burden and a hand to hold in case she needs it. Nothing shows you’re a friend better than recognizing the good, bad and ugly and being there regardless of what happens.